We didn't get to see that much of Australia in the end, just three
cities, because we were short of time. Syney is lovely, like London but
with sun; I stayed with my friends Ness and Sinead and played 5-a-side
football with them (excellent!) and drank a lot, and was jealous of
their lunchtime-surfing lifestyle.. apart from that, we didn't do a huge
amount, although we did go to a play which was chiefly memorable for a
nude scene in which a rich, curious, Lady Chatterley-type lady orders
her servant to strip... and he did, but... facing away from our side of
the stage, goddammit! We waited impatiently for him to turn round, only
to be disappointed when he did and it was apparent that the poor man
must have been suffering from acute stage fright... 'an acorn sitting on
a squash ball' would be a generous description, frankly. ;o)
Moving on swiftly... we didn't have time to do the whole East Coast, so
we flew to Cairns, where I did the PADI Open Water scuba dive course
over five days while Mischka got through several Isabel Allende novels.
The Barrier Reef was fascinating, not as much live coral as I'd have
liked but hosts of crazily-coloured fish and I saw a few turtles and
even a little shark! It was asleep, and I wanted to go and prod it with a
stick, but thought better of it.
Our final stop was Darwin, where we only stayed because we couldn't get a
flight out of it for five days, but we hired a camper van and spent
them in Kakadu National Park, which was great fun. We saw loads of crocs
(they're everywhere, so despite the heat you can't swim anywhere - they
ate a German tourist a couple of years ago...) and some wonderful
scenery. I often wonder when I look across valleys or whatever, what
they'd have looked like a million years ago - well, here it felt as if
that's what you were seeing. The camper van was cute and ran very well,
our only problem was the mosquitoes and the flies. There was one hideous
incident where thought I'd swatted a massive one, only for Mischka to
notice that the bastard had not only come alive but - oh god - was
squeezing out maggots! This freaked me out so utterly that I was no help
as she valiantly got the disgusting thing out of the van, so big-up to
her for that one!
After that, we were relieved to get to Singapore, where everything is,
well, orderly. Not the most original comment, but it's true, it's the
first impression you get. Apart from that, the people are tiny, the
traffic is terrible, but orderly compared to elsewhere in Asia, and the
food is stunningly good.
We crossed the causeway to Johor Bahru in Malaysia and stayed with
Mischka's relatives, who were hospitable to the point of sadism. Even
breakfast consisted of at least three curries and was accompanied by
cries of 'finish it!!!' whenever we looked like laying down our forks.
It was so hot that all we did was eat, sleep and sweat... actually, it
was very pleasant, and we could have stayed a lot longer had the
prospect of turning into Jabba the Hut not prompted us to leave.
We carried on up the coast via Malacca to Kuala Lumpur, more relatives,
and the kind of sweltering, enervating heat that falls on you like a wet
towel the moment you venture outside. Two days of that was enough,
despite the family being absolutely lovely, and we came to Penang, from
where we took a side trip to Sumatra, Indonesia to see orang-utans in
the wild. Indonesia is poor in the same chaotic, friendly way as South
America is, with the most suicidal rickshaw drivers on the planet
(surely!), and had the same lovely, friendly vibe you so often get in
these places. There was a huge flood at the orang-utan sanctuary last
year, which destroyed all the infrastructure plus everyone's homes and
belongings, and you could really see how they'd helped each other get
back on their feet without even thinking about what was whose.
The orang-utans were great; seeing things in the wild is often a bit
disappointing because you can't get anywhere near them, but these were
feet away from us so we could see just how ugly the buggers were! The
babies, clinging on all over their mothers, were adorable but some of
the older males were so hideous, they even sparked a stampede among
their own females when they came near!
Right now we're back in Penang, heading across to the Perhentian Islands
tomorrow to do a bit of diving and snorkelling, then on to Thailand,
hopefully avoiding falling into the clutches of mad Muslim separatists.
Oh, I turned 29 the other day, but it's just too hot to go crazy, so we
had a few beers and that was it - the less said about being nearly 30
the better, I think...!
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